I'm just living on borrowed time. When I say that I'm referring to my outer appearance. I know it's vanity and wrong. But what you look like on the outside is such a big deal in our society. Forty years old is about a year away for me. I've heard say, your body gets a mind of its own around that time. Your youth is definitely disappearing and the old half of life is setting in. If your considered old by the age of 40 and you live to be 75 then you'll spend nearly half of your life old! No one ever warned me of this. I've been figuring it out on my own. And sometimes I worry, I know that's wrong to do but its a bad habit I have, that things are gonna happen to my appearance that I never imagined. And once it starts there's no turning back unless you can afford plastic surgery. When old age sets in the only thing new you'll get on your body are new lines and wrinkles that you'll observe more and more as you look in the mirror. To keep young looking you'll have to slowly gain weight to fill out those wrinkles. Your hair begins to gray and you'll have to keep up with not showing gray when the the fake hair color runs out. Your neck slowly becomes gobbly as gravity constantly tugs down on it and everything else on your body. Specific areas of your self begin to widen. And all the junk food you lived on as a teenager will now promptly turn to cellulite on the backs of your legs and around your midsection. Your arms underneath start becoming wobbly and flappy. You no longer are able to wear sleeveless shirts in a carefree manner.

As a woman, you realize men no longer admire or are attracted to you because your youthful girl-like appearance is obviously gone. They just consider you an old woman. I guess that's why older women wear t-shirts that jokingly refer to men or they talk and say stuff like "that's a man for you" I feel sorry for some older women I see at work. They boldly divorced their husband and now their making their own way while they live alone in an apartment while the ex-husband is now married to some younger woman with a couple of kids who could use some financial help. I've got a husband and there's no way I'm gonna be an old woman barely making my way till social security is accessible. The only way I'll part from my husband is by death because on my wedding day I made a vow to God and I fully intend to keep my promise.

So how I am going to deal with growing old. One thing I'm glad for, that is, my husband. We've been married almost 14 years. We're slowly growing old together. That's a nice thought. He accepted me as his wife when I was in my youth and now our lives our intricately intermingled and we're accustomed to each other in all areas, the good, the bad and the ugly.

In Proverbs 31 it talks of a virtuous woman. Most of my life I've wanted her attributes in my life. Now there is one that really stands out, that is, "she is not afraid of growing old." One way I intend to deal with growing older is to pray that verse. Another way is focus on showing beauty through my actions and my talents. A dedication to helping others, my family first and then those around me through volunteering my time through church. I can also grow in my creative abilities like writing, singing, drawing, painting and photography. Who knows maybe by the time I'm old and gray I will have widened my literary audience to more than just you, my dedicated readers, and will have written a best selling book.