In 1992 Dr. Gary Chapman published a book named The Five Love Languages. Since then it has become a classic. And is a great tool to use in raising your children. Danny and I thoroughly studied it when we went through the book, Growing Kids Gods Way. This too is another excellent book.
When you want to show kindness or love to another person there are certain ways that you can show it that will make them respond more. There are two sides of love, the person who is giving and the person receiving. The person giving may think the other person likes to receive according to what he likes best. Not so, it is a good idea to study the person who is receiving to figure out how they best like to receive a display of love. Here are the five love languages Dr. Chapman wrote about:*
1. Encouraging words
2. Acts of service
3. Gift Giving
4. Quality time
5. Physical touch and closeness
Encouraging Words Encouraging words simply means to build up others through thoughtful kind words. But it has to be legitimate praise and recognition. Flattery won't work. Here are a couple of examples, "The living room looks nice you must have worked on it for awhile." or "You look like you've been losing weight." An example from my life is when I call my husband, "Babe". Sometimes it will distract him and he can't think of what to say next.
Act of Service If you use an act of service to show someone you care for them it must be unexpected. You would do something outside your normal everyday routine. For example, a husband puts gas in the car for his wife on Sunday so she won't have to think about it all week. Or a wife mows the lawn for her husband and he comes home to see it already done.
Gift Giving Giving someone an impromptu gift can mean alot. Since it is unexpected it will help the other person realize I thought about you while we were apart. An example would be when I was little sometimes my dad would come home with some Braum's ice cream and then all of the family would make ice cream cones and thoroughly enjoy them. Sometimes I'll stop by Quik Trip and get a cappuccino for my husband and surprise him. This would be another example. In the book Growing Kids God's Way, the greatest example they used was when Jesus gave his life on the cross so that every person would have the opportunity to choose to go to heaven.
Quality Time Quality time is the fourth love language. This requires an investment of you. It requires listening carefully and giving an appropriate response. It requires two people actively participating in a conversation. A good example is when my son Benjamin comes to me with the lego ship he built. He's excited and he tells me all about the new and different ship he built this time. Then we talk about it's unique qualities. Quality time does not involve watching TV and stating facts from the 5 o'clock news.
Physical Touch and Closeness Physical touch and closeness means that you are making an effort to be near to someone. Sometimes knowing the other person is near is enough to confirm you care. Here are some examples. A husband is working in the garden and the wife chooses to come and sit near by and read. This sends the message I just want to be near you. A wife sitting next to her husband while he watches a football game and doesn't insist that she talk with him. A daddy holding his little girl's hand while they walk through a store.
After you learn what all of these are then you need to figure out the love languages of the important people in your life. Probably the best way to figure them out is to simply try one on them and see how they respond. And when they respond with an unexpected big smile or they talk about what you did several different times, then you know you "hit the nail on the head". It is also important to know that each person will have more than one. It's also good to know you're own. Without realizing it we can do something nice for another person and they weren't as impressed as we were because that's not their love language.
*This information was taken from the Growing Kids God's Way book by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo