I’m going in for an MRI today. My left ear has had a ringing in it since the pregnancy of my second son 12 years ago. Nine years ago I went through extensive tests and an MRI to find out why one ear has ringing and the other doesn’t. My ENT (ear nose throat) doctor looked at my MRI xray and said simply I had damage to my auditory nerve. That’s all. So I considered that conclusive and just learned to live with the ringing and hearing loss.

Recently, around the first of November, the ringing has gotten much louder. So much so that if someone yells my name I will look in the direction of my hearing ear and the realize it was from the other direction.
Last Thursday I saw my ENT again. It has been about nine years since our last visit. He ran some thorough hearing tests, then said I needed another MRI.
I wanted to write this blog before I know what the outcome of the MRI could be. What are the possible outcomes?
Here’s what I can be figure out. There’s a mass near my ear or liquid pressing on ear parts to cause the ringing. If there’s a mass it could be isolated or it could be intertwined and rooted in the parts of my ear that cause the ringing. The mass could be benign or malignant. Worst situation, It’s malignant not isolated and cancerous. I realize and am planning that I will go through an operation around my ear area. I will most likely have to get my hair shaved. I hope I don’t have to take in intravenous chemotherapy. I wouldn’t mind radiation.
I’ve had reason to seriously talk to God lately. I pray that if there’s a mass, please let it be isolated. I ask him to please not let my life come to an end within a year or two. I remind Him how He could really use me in the public school setting. I enjoy being in the classroom setting (substitute teaching) and He could use me as a caring Christian influence on their lives. He has placed me stategically in my jobs setting for the past ten years. I have learned ton of psychology being on the assembly line. I know how to relate to people very well. I tell God I want to be a jr. high history teacher until I can become a high school history teacher and then I can become a college instructor. I know I can do these things because that’s where my strengths are.
Most people would consider this unimportant but I know people in America need to get closer to God. We need a Great Awakening. God could choose to use me in any way He wants to help people to want to get close to him. God could use me in a classroom setting or He could use me in fighting or even dying of cancer (eeeeeeeesch, that’s that’s a real icky thought) Ultimately God allows all circumstances to happen in our lives.
I’m not a name it, claim it, frame it Christian. I don’t haphazardly flip through my Bible, close my eyes and point to a verse saying that’s something good that will happen to me. I also do not impose my will in my prayers to God to get what I want. God knows the outcome of life. He knows the best path for me in life that will get the most results and cause the souls of people to go to Him and ultimately, go to heaven in the end.
My four children, I don’t want them to be scared or worry. I know in our lives we haven’t been through very many hardships. Going through struggles makes you stronger and a better person if you keep trying to do the right thing all through it. I know my children need such growth. Besides I did give them to God because they ultimately belong to him anyway. If I’m going to only be alive for a short time I would just fill my time with teaching my children to follow after God, pray to Him everyday and read and memorize the Bible. And if I had cancer we would fight it as a family. I know tons about nutrition and my children could gain beneficial knowlede helping me overcome it.
This blog entry is written quickly and I didn’t have time to edit it. I gotta go to my MRI appointment.